All My Life

All my life, I've been around "christians."
All my life I've been friends with christians, I've dated christians, and I've disliked christians.
As I sit here on this couch tonight though, I realize that I've never been around christians like these guys. These guys who care about me. These people who care about me so much that they want to make me smile, they want to make sure I'm okay. I've never had this before. I've always been on my own, fending for myself, or getting hurt. This past year I'd been living on a relational island. I can't begin to explain the loneliness I felt. For a while, I felt an intense depression. Then I met God. God has turned my life around. Yet, I had no true christian friends. Until... now. It's been a year. I have no clue why God took so long to give me something I've been praying for since I could pray. I know He had awesome reasons though, because He is all knowing and perfect. I love Him so much. I feel so alone sometimes, and I push Him and everyone else away... I don't know how to be happy. I've been depressed all my life. I don't know how to do life like this. I feel as if I'm supposed to be integrating into a new habitat or something... and I'm failing miserably. I don't know how to do a friendship, let alone a relationship. God I have absolutely no right to ask you for something that I'm not ready for. Something that I absolutely do not deserve or need. You alone Lord know the desires of my heart, and You alone know how my life will turn out. You love me more than anyone could ever even possibly imagine, so I know I will be okay.
"'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord 'plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. To give you a hope and a future."