He's not mine...

I love him so much still. I love him more than any of the girls he's dated, more than they could even imagine. I would give my life willingly for him. I shouldn't love him still... It's been over a year... It still hurts... so badly. Lord, I can't imagine a future without him. God, You alone know how hard I've tried to replace him... None come close. I miss the scar on his lip, the warmth of his embrace, the love written so openly on his face... I miss his smell, his obnoxious sense of humor, I miss my best friend... I'll never have him again. I thought that leaving home, being so far away, I thought that it'd make a huge difference... It hasn't... I still love him. I still can't let go. I still can't let someone else in again, because I never want to be hurt like that again.. I love him. God I don't know how to let him go. I don't know how to not think about him every. single. day. I don't know how to forgive him for hurting me so badly. No, that's not true. I forgave him the second he hurt me. I love him so much. Will I ever find someone? not if i don't let go of him. Lord, I know that's why i'm still single... Help me... I'm so tired of struggling alone.

Today

Is a new day. I will no longer apologize for stuff that is not my fault. I will no longer accept responsibility for other people's actions and mistakes and faults. As of today I will not be a mat that everyone walks all over. I will be strong. I will stand up for myself. I will not let these people treat me like I'm worthless, I will not let them put their problems on me like I'm the source. Unless I really am. I will no longer apologize for other people's baggage. I have my own. I am willing to be there when you need me, but I need people to be there for me too. I need a relationship that works both ways. Lord, give me strength and protection. Help me to stand up for myself. Help me to pour out your love into other people, without becoming a welcome mat. Help me to have patience and compassion. Help me to cling to You. Help me to grow in my faith, and my love for You. Help me make the right decisions Lord. You are the creator of this universe. No matter how many times I say that, think that, or type that, the concept is still entirely unfathomable. Your greatness is unfathomable. Your power is inconceivable. Lord You are... incredible. I wish that words could express Your beauty, power, love, grace, greatness, fearsomeness, and all the other magnificent things You are. Help me to keep my perspective and priorities correct. Lord, I love You. So. Much.

My Life Right Now

I hate college. I hate living with this many other girls. I hate sharing my room with someone selfish and spoiled. I hate going to classes, and being stressed out about grades. I hate not knowing what I want to do with my life. I hate that I feel this way. I hate that I want to just drop out of college. I hate that I feel lonely all the time. I hate that I feel like I'm even more alone here than I was at home. Because there are so many people here, and yet, not a single person is like me. I'm so tired of feeling abnormal. I'm tired of feeling like I'm invisible, like I don't matter to the people that are supposedly my friends. God where are You in all of this? Where are You Lord? I need to feel You so desperately. I need Your arms around me. I hate this!! I hate that it doesn't matter where I am... I'm still strange, unwanted, and invisible. God where are You? Can't You hear my cries for help? Can't You give me someone that can help me carry on? Can't You help me trust someone? God why can't I let people in? Why can't I trust people? Why can't I let go of the past? Why can't I let go of Logan? God why the freak do I still love him? Why did I let him hurt me so badly? God... please let him find You. It's been over a year since we dated. It will have been a year in December since I last thought I had him. Lord. I lost him because I found You.. I don't want my life to be without You. Lord I just don't want a life without him either. God... save me from myself. I know Satan is fighting hard. I feel so weak... Lord I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle. I feel like I'm fighting against hundreds and I'm alone. Help me Lord, please help me

God help me have faith

God, I feel so lost right now. I am so stressed and confused and frustrated. Lord I know You have a plan and that You're in control. I know that You love me more than my own mother, more than any guy ever will, and more than anyone else in my life. You want what is best for me, and my family as well. Help me to hold onto You as my family goes through this Lord. We've moved 9 times, and it's killed our budget. Lord, I was going to finally get a car... but I know that with this having happened, I won't be getting one. I don't even know if I'll be able to continue my college education. Everything is up in the air again, and Lord I'm afraid. My biggest fear is easily the unknown. Lord give me peace and hope. Help me know that You are Lord and You in control of everything. Lord help me understand Your incredible, deep love for me. Lord... I'm afraid. I am hurt, angry, lonely... Lord... You created the universe, the sky, the sun, the moon, the stars, the plants, the animals, and man in 7 days. You are capable of everything. Lord, help my parents through this.

my mother and my father and their jobs

my mother just turned in her two weeks notice and received a different job... one she'll like more, but with less hours and the same wage.
my father just lost his job.
we're moving again.