Less than 3 months

Until I finally get out of high school.
Less than 6 until I've moved out.
Time isn't going fast enough right now

Memories

I think of you everytime I wear that dress.
I think of you everytime I brush my teeth, wear fuzzy socks, am around leather, everytime I play thief with my family.
I think of you everytime I lock my wheel in my car, or go to the cheap theatre.
I think of you everytime I hear about drugs, alcohol, or AIM.
I think of you everytime I walk by that picture in the hall in the high school.
I think of you everytime I see a teenage mom with her child.
I think of you everytime I see a white truck when I run radar and I hope it's you and that you're speeding, and I feel guilty because I know that that's wrong.
I think of you whenever I play putt putt or see a putt putt course.
I think of you whenever I get a frosty, or see a half pipe, or go bowling, or go by a bowling alley.
I think of you every time I go to class, or go home during free, or go to the park and sit on that swing.
I think of you whenever I see trains, or go by Glenn miller, or go to wendys.
I think of you everytime I see a green jeep, or I hear the name betsy, or I'm driving down country roads late at night, or when I see index cards, or hear about dances. Did you know I've only gone to dances with two different guys? Both broke my heart equal amounts. But when I moved on I realized I was better off without you and that the best thing you ever did for me was to break my heart and leave me.
I think of you whenever I'm on facebook im and smiling really big, or see an orange env phone.
I think of all of you, a lot.
And I miss very few of you.
It is what it is.
I wouldn't have traded those memories, excluding one of you, for anything in the world. But things end for a reason. I know some of the reasons, and I know I will see more in the future.
Thanks for being in my life.

Tennis

Decided against it.

God

You are my prince charming
The one that will love me always,
And save me everytime,
That will be there for me always,
That is beautiful,
And flawless.
Thanks God (:
I love You

Tennis

I've decided to play tennis this year (:
It's my last chance to play a high school sport.
So why not?
It'll help keep me in shape and losing weight.
It'll help me a lot I think.
I'll be around people more too.
I'll be able to still volunteer at the library
And I'll be able to babysit still.
(:
I'm excited and nervous
I'm not sure how it's going to turn out,
But hey gotta give it a chance right?
Thank You Lor for this incredible opportunity!

It's funny

How my mind works.
Incapable of letting go.
My heart is the same way.
Unwilling to let go.
Clinging to the past as if by cutting ties with my past I'd be cutting out my heart as well.
I know though that my past will always be there whenever I want to look back
To examine the events, to inspect them, to turn them over slowly in my hands as if by bringing them up again I will be able to change them or see them differently, see some grain of truth I didn't see before.
Lord help me to let go.
Help me to move on.
Help me to be fearless.

When the time comes

If the time comes
What will I do?
How would I answer the question?
When all reasoning is gone?
When the blood is pounding in your ears? Heart thumping like it'll bounce from your chest?
Will I state death in the face and calmly say "yes I believe in God, and I will never denounce Him!"
Or will I cry and plead and sob and blubber?
Will I beg for my life?
Or will I stand strong in my faith?
I hope that when the time comes I will feel my body flooded with Gods peace, that I will find comfort in the end that I will not weep for myself. That I will say "Lord forgive them for they know not what they do." that I will calmly look at the gun or knife of whatever and that I will look in my killers eyes until I breathe my last. I hope I pray that's that's how I will meet my end, with feirce courage and calmness.
Lord don't let me choose my life over You.