12 March 2011

My birthday is in four months(: I'm very excited for that.
Listening to Avril Lavigne's new album, and it makes me want to cry. The power of music, and the power of love... When I hear someone hurting, I want desperately to reach out to them and help them get back up off the ground. I want to help them heal, I want to help them feel better. I hate that I can't always help. I hate that I can't even help myself. I hate that I'm not who I want to be. I'm not the girl I always thought I'd be. I think I always expected to change drastically when I got to a new place. The thing is, transitions and changes don't happen that quickly. They happen over time. It's so difficult to pretend that I don't miss you, I wish I actually knew who "you" was... I've lost a place to shove my feelings... Placing love off and onto different people. I wish I knew who it was I actually loved... I know that I miss him... I know that I hurt because we aren't together anymore... It's so difficult to pretend that I'm okay. Not that I'm not okay, I'm fine, but I'm hurting too. Break ups aren't easy... I miss my mom... I wish she was here, I wish she were able to just hold me or scratch my back as I sobbed into my pillow... I can't wait to be home for spring break... I've never missed anyone like I miss my mom and dad right now. I've never not had them around to help me through a break up before... I just can't wait to see them, I'll probably cry. I just want to be able to hug them both and cry my bloody eyes out. I wish Daniel was back from the retreat, he always knows just how to cheer me up, and make everything better... I think I'm falling in love with him...