Dear God

I feel so alone right now.
I can't feel you by my side right now.
Where have you gone? Where are you now?
I know that You are near, inside my very bones I can feel it.
Lord I love You and I need You.
I can't feel you right now, but feelings are fickle, feelings are fleeting.
My heart is wicked, it is set against me.
Lord I need You I need You I need You.
Man was not meant to be alone...
So why have I been left so alone? Lord I don't know why this is happening, or why I can't feel You by my side. I do know, that You are near me. I see Your face in the trees, the sky, the people around me, the earth, the flowers, Lord You are all around me. I know You are here. Don't let me forget. I'm so sorry for all I've done, all the times I've hurt You, all the times I threw stones at You. Forgive me Lord. Forgive me. Lord draw me near, and heal this broken heart. You alone can fix me. I've built up walls and anger, to keep everyone out. I know why I'm alone, and I know it's partially my fault. Lord help me not to fear being hurt. There's that word again, fear. Fear. What would I do if I wasn't afraid?
If I wasn't afraid, I would stop fearing rejection, broken hearts, bad grades, my past. Lord You did not make me a person of fear. I am a bold, strong person. I know that I can't make it on my own, regardless of how strong I am, but with You, I can handle anything. You can do ANYTHING Lord. ANYTHING. that word is incredible as well. Anything. Lord, if You can do anything, and You love me, then why should I be afraid? What should I be afraid of? Lord I am in awe of You. Thank You. I love You. I'm sorry for ever once doubting. Lord, I fear I am... there's that word again. Lord You made me the way I am for a reason. You created me and said "It is good." I trust You Lord, I love You Lord. Forgive my petty fears. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.