Dear God (reflections and thoughts and feelings)

"Be still and know that I am God."
God, You are God. I know that.
I know You can fill every need.
I'm just not letting You. I'm sorry.
Help me to be still, and know that You are all I need.
That I don't have to be lonely ALL the time.
That you are here for me, always.
I feel alone, and lonely.
Tonight was fun, but it was also a temptation.
I miss having friends, having a boyfriend.
I miss feeling things other than a dulled ache.
My heart is longing for a friend.
For someone to talk to, to be with.
Someone to care about. Someone to hold me.
This dull ache doesn't go away God.
So I'm giving it to You.
You alone can fix it and You alone can heal me.
This dull ache of loneliness is almost unbearable,
Lord, help me to bear it.
Lord... I miss having a friend.
I know that technically, yes, I have plenty of those
I just wish I had someone to talk to, to really, really talk to.
I don't.
Kasey is slowly becoming distant, Lauren is Lauren, which is great because she's an incredible person, I'm just... I can't tell her the things I struggle with. She never struggles with anything. I mean, she does... but she handles it so well. I'm a mess. I'm scared out of my mind. If she knew, half the things I've done, half the person I used to be... God, I have so much shame in my past. Tonight reopened that shame. God... to be young and innocent and beautiful. Oh Lord, You are God. I beg You to bless me. To heal me. To send me someone I can talk to. Someone I can be with. Someone to hold me. Even if only for a these next three months. God... help me. I know I have so much to be grateful for. I'm sorry I complain so much. I know there are bigger things out there. More important problems and issues. Like a twelve year old that had a two and a half pound cancerous tumor. Like my grandma, who's heart is filling with fluids. I'm sorry God. I'm sorry for so much.
Help me know that I am not alone.