I don't bother with lying.

It's the truth.
I loathe lies.
I adore the truth.
Always.
I would prefer the truth,
over a lie every single time.
Even when the truth,
will reduce me to tears.

Which is why I'm having a problem.
What is the truth in this situation?
It's inside of me,
I know that much.
But which truth is the truth?
Which path do I choose?
This is what I know:
I'm a little bit lonely.
I want God to fill that loneliness.
My heart longs for love.
God can fill that too.
This is the problem:
If God fills every single inch
of the gaping hole in my heart,
why do I long for more?
So I return once more to that verse.
"The heart is wicked and deceitful above all else."
So does this mean we should cut out our heart,
in hopes that without our heart,
we can serve God better?
That without feeling,
without want,
we can somehow be more pure?
However, this also does not make any sense.
Because God has also said
not to be lukewarm.
And with no heart, no way to feel,
how could one be anything other than lukewarm?
Now perhaps you see my problem?
Confusion clouds my vision.
Hope begins to flicker,
like a candle on a windy day.
Oh God, my God...
why have You forsaken me?
And yet I'll cling to what I know,
I'm never alone.
You will NEVER leave me,
or abandon me,
or give up on me.
You will NEVER quit me,
grow tired of me,
or even love me less.
I'll cling to this grain of absolute truth
in the hopes of discovering more truths.