I know He hears me.

So here I am again.

Frustrated, hurting, and still lonely.

I am so sick and tired of feeling like I can't do anything right.

I'm sick of feeling completely alone.

I'm sick of feeling like nobody even wants me in their life.

I'm sick of feeling completely isolated...

I'm sick of feeling like I have to keep it all inside because if I let it out, nobody will understand.

I'm leaving in roughly 200 days for a college 7 hours away.

I don't want to start a relationship here.

I don't want to get hurt again.

I don't want anybody here.

Yes, I did meet someone Saturday.

Yes, he is a great guy.
Yes, I probably would be extremely lucky to have him.
No, I don't want him.

No, I don't want to date him.

Yes, I realize that this upsets my best friend.

I just wish she'd realize where I'm coming from.

I'm so sick getting my heart broken.

If I were to date him...

It would be a very reckless and selfish decision.

I would end up hurting myself as well as him.

I just keep praying to God for help and protection.

Lord, You've done some incredible work in my life lately.

You've saved my heart from another ache. You kept me from falling for him.

Thank You.

It may sound horrible to most people, I know, I just cannot keep getting hurt.

And if I dated him, it would be like placing my hand in a fire and keeping it there.

Stupid and painful.

Oh Lord I am so tired of hurting everyone around me.

I'm so tired of feeling like I have no one.

I hate that it's not that I just feel that way.

It's that I really do not have anybody anymore.

She kept me so isolated from people, and now that we're no longer best friends... I have no one. Oh I know that I have Kelsey, Lauren, Josiah, and Kasey. But Lord, Lauren is in Tennessee. Josiah is all the way in Nebraska. Kasey is two and a half hours away, but at least in the same state. Kelsey doesn't go to my school, but she's the closest geographically. My friends are few and quite literally far between. 3 of which are very busy with their college lives. I feel like I've been abandoned. Lord... Help me...

In my loneliness I cry out for things I don't really even want anymore.

Like Logan.

I do not really want him back. At all.

I just want to no longer feel lonely.

I want someone to hold me and love me.

Lord please please please help me survive the rest of this year.

Please.

I love You, Lord.
Amen.