10 February 2011 Another Free Write

God where are You? Where is Your comforting embrace? Where is Your mighty hand? Where is your outstretched arm? Where is my Savior? Where are You God? Are You by my side? Are You holding me in your arms? Are You behind me and in front of me? I cannot feel You right now. I need Your love so desperately. I'm so afraid, so tired. I fear for the future, what will become of my parents? What will become of my education? I know that there is hope, but there is always hope. I need a hope, a reassurance, from You. Where are You? I know that You're always near, I know that You have a plan, but I really don't understand Your plan right now. I'm so lost and confused. I'm frustrated, irritated, and hurt. I think I'm mostly hurting right now. I'm concerned for my parents, all that they are going through. I'm uncertain of what is happening right now. Where are You? Do You still love me? Do You still hear my voice calling out for mercy? Do You still walk by my side, holding my hand, telling me it's all going to be okay? That You're in control? Lord, where are You? Why am I the one to always go through hardships? Why do they get such easy, wonderful lives? Why am I left to struggle with depression, finances, and relationships? Why do I feel as though I've been left to die in a desert... I need to feel You by my side Lord. I need to know that You created me for Yourself, that I have a purpose, a big purpose. I need to know that my life has a meaning... I need to know that in this life, I am going to do great things, even if they seem small to others. I need to know that I'm worthy... I don't know how You can love me, how You look at me and see beauty... When I look in the mirror, I see a girl that is still a little afraid of the world. Afraid of getting hurt, afraid of falling down again, afraid of getting back up. Afraid of believing... Afraid to understand, afraid to question, afraid to answer. Do You know how difficult this is? Lord, where are You? Are You by my side? Am I curled up in Your strong arms? Save me Lord, because only You can... Save me Lord, because I'm worth saving... Save me because You call me lovely, You call me friend, You call me beloved, You call me Queen. Show me all the beauty that You see in me. Bend down to feed me, to heal me. Bend all the way down into this hole I dug for myself. I'm staring at the ground, the blood that I've spilt. Bend down to lift my face from darkness, to pick me up from death to let me try again. Who are You that You still love me? This love that keeps me safe when I run... when I'm young and foolish. Hold me gently Lord, until I fall asleep. Cover me in your light, cover me in Your armor, the armor none can pierce. Give me Your hope and Your love. Love me... because I need You.