Made a wrong turn once or twice...

Bad decisions, that's alright, welcome to my silly life...

I wish I remembered a time when I was happy. Almost as long as I can remember, I've been fighting uphill battles daily against cutting, suicide, and depression. Many people say they wish that they could back to when they were young and innocent and happy. I wish I had a time in my past like that. I've been in and out of therapy since 5th grade, and I may have to go back soon. I have this insane desire to run to the bathroom and just chop off most of my hair... Or to just run away... To pack my backpack full of clothes and my laptop and just leave... I don't know where I'd go or what I'd do, but there's got to be somewhere better for me... I was born with a fiery spirit, a spirit of rebellion... I guess that too many years of sadness started to tame me. I'm trying to cling to a strand of hope... I'm not sure there is one. Not for me. You can't escape from your past, it's always there to haunt you. If I can't escape the memories of my past, I'll never live a happy life. The past has made me who I am, and it's part of me. I'm just a tragic story. It could've been so much worse, I realize that. I just wish that for as good as I'd had it, it hadn't been so bad.
I wish I could pretend it all away... Wish away all the pain.