10 February 2011

So today has been extremely... interesting. I woke up and didn't go to my 9 am today. I was just too tired and we're allowed to miss two days, so this one was my first. It's also only an 8 week course, so technically, I'm allowed to miss an entire week. I wouldn't want to do that though. It's my TDP 1100 class. I like it a lot. I am working on my 4 year plan. I talked to my mom today about transferring. She said I probably wouldn't have to. Which makes me very excited. She said that if they move out of state, they'll let me establish residency here. She's looking into establishing residency and stuff this weekend. I also realized that I can get 3 A's and 1 B this semester and be able to keep my scholarship, which is super exciting. Another thing that I figured out was that I need to go to my classes and start trying. I can't jsut keep telling myself I can't do it, because I can. I can do this, it'd be pretty difficult, but now that I don't have to get all A's, I feel a lot more confident. Especially since the classes I'm in are ones I really enjoy. I love mythology, and I'm learning to love classical western music as well. English is my favorite subject, and I love Political Science as well. I'm really excited. I feel like I'm finally pulling out of the depression. Hopefully the meds are working, and hopefully the antibiotics will get rid of this nasty sinus infection. I'm really not a big fan of it. I've messed up quite a bit so far in the semester, but it's still early, so I can definitely still make it up. I have to go to a concert and type up a report over the concert before the 28th of this month for my music class. I'm excited for it, but I'm also a little nervous, I'm hoping that I'll do well. I really need an A in that class. I'm saving the B for English, because I know that that class is going to be the most difficult for me. Even though it's my favorite subject. Our professor grades really hard, she gives college level work a C. That scares me a little bit. Oh well, I guess I'll just keep praying and making my way through life the best that I can. After all, if I give it my all, what more could anyone ask from me? Nothing. It's time I started believing in myself more. I just need to have a little bit of faith. Cause it's all gonna be alright. Truly, it is. I have some ridiculous amounts of hope right now.. Hope for a future as a teacher. I hope that I will be a good English teacher. I still have so much to learn, and the idea of teaching in 3 years scares the pee outta me. It's so nerve racking. Thankfully, I'll be certified to teach anywhere from 5th grade to seniors in high school. I'll also be trying to get a master's in Psychology and Counseling. Or going to law school. Which means I need to get at least a 3.5 gpa overall when I graduate. Hopefully I can do it. I just don't always know how to balance a social life with an academic life. For me I seem to be too socially involved that I neglect my academic world, or I become so active in the academic world that I neglect my friends. It's pretty difficult to figure it out. I think that's just a freshman thing though. At least that's what I've been told. I just have to become more studious. I have to actually go to all my classes. I'm going to set up a reward system for myself for good grades and going to classes. I'm really excited. There is so much potential for this semester. I know I have it in me, hopefully I can pull it out of me to know what I'm capable of. That'd be really great. I don't know what I'm capable of to be honest, and I think it's time that I find out. God help me do this. I have so much difficulty finishing things I start. I think I can do this. I know I can do this. So many people believe in me, and I know that there are people depending on me to graduate and make something of myself. I want to prove those people right, and I want to prove other people wrong. I want to prove the people who said I would never amount to anything, that I was a worthless waste of space, wrong. I am a valuable treasure, especially in God's eyes. I am a special, beautiful individual. Tattoo and piercing and all of me. I have value. I am more precious than any diamond, or any pearl. I am beautiful in my imperfections. I am beautiful in my flaws and asymmeticality. I think I finally am starting to believe in myself. It's an amazing feeling. A little exhausting, yes, but absolutely fantastic. It's nice to have taken my life into my own hands, and to be doing what I want to do. To be making my own decisions. Getting that piercing was possibly the best decision I've ever made. There's nothing wrong with getting that pierced, honestly, there's nothing wrong with it, and it makes me feel even more beautiful. I'm so excited for life right now. Probably because my thoughts have changed to a much more positive undertone. It's amazing how much your thoughts influence your mood. Hopefully I can just start focusing on the positive. I still need to read Galations 3 for bible study, which is in like 15 minutes. Yikes. Oh well, I'm sure I'll get it done. This free write only has one more minute left anyway. I love this new mixed cd I got from Helene. It's very different, but very uplifting. There is hope for my future. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me(: